Think You Know How Someone Is Feeling? No, You Have to Feel It, Too
Think you understand someone? It doesn't really help unless you feel it, too. That's the conclusion of some new research is that , in the absence of caring, understanding alone doesn't cut it when stressful situations arise. When stress sets in, many of us turn to a partner to help us manage by being a sounding board or shoulder to cry on. Your odds of actually feeling better are much improved if they're both those things. My partner isn't very good at listening, or understanding. He just wants to solve it. I understand that that's men's way of reacting to a crisis. They want action. But it would be so much more helpful if they let us feel it, then felt it, too. New research by psychologists at UC Santa Barbara reveals that simply understanding your partner's suffering isn't sufficient to be helpful in a stressful situation; you've got to actually care that they're suffering in the first place. Now that doesn't mea...