Would You Marry Your Spouse Again? Almost 70% Say No

OK, so it's not very scientific (in fact, it might not be at all!).  But a survey produced in 2007 by steptalk.com found that only 15% of participants would marry their spouse again.  I doubt it would have changed much six years later, maybe might even be lower.

That got me thinking.  My husband and I will be married 20 years next year (though we've been together for 30), and we've had some pretty tough times.  I have contacted a lawyer about separating in the past, when our son was young and I wasn't getting the help or support I needed,  and I've thought about it again from time to time, like when I was diagnosed with breast cancer (twice) and he just couldn't deal with it.

My husband's not very romantic (I think I've heard "I love you," exactly twice), and his way of proposing was, "I guess we could get married."

Yet, there's a side of him that's kind and warm (he bought a special ankle brace for a friend's daughter who broke hers in a trampoline accident, because he knew she was an athlete and he didn't want to see her lose it).  And, I guess, over the years, seeing the kind of father he is, caring and attentive to our son, remembering our history (we did have quite a few good times!), I've kind of let it go.  (The attorney I contacted about the separation, a friend, also talked me out of it!)

I've spent my whole adult life with this man, and though it (a lot) hasn't been what I hoped for, he's also the one I should have married, it's been the right marriage for me, because it's taught me to face the same commitment challenges he has, and somehow brought us closer together.

Maybe I'm just getting older but I can sort of accept what used to drive me crazy about him -- his moods, his ability to drink the last of the milk so there's nothing left when I go to get it for our son, his reluctance to show emotion.

But looking back on my life, when I had boyfriends who were too quick to say they loved me, I remember heading for the hills.  I guess we deserve each other!

Marriage is mostly bumps and lumps, with some beautiful times thrown in.  Other than motherhood, it's been the single hardest job of my life.  But it's also been worth it.  I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else, and I guess that says it all.



  1. Deb - Would I? After 30 years together I can still say I'm happily married. Is she happily married? I'll have to check. Based on the last few months, I don't know. She relates to me like the Dog Whisperer. And as with dogs in the 'red zone', there is no touch, no talk, no eye contact. In my eyes, "I see dead people". as in the Sixth Sense. When I speak yet there is no response, no acknowledgment of being. We too have been through a lot. Tha question for me in addition to would I marry my spouse again, is whether 2% of disharmony is worth 98% happiness. I think so.


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