Over 70% of Us Did Not Marry "The One"

I found this pretty discouraging.   A new study has found that almost three-quarters of us did not marry "the one." 

I can safely say that I did -- though, over the years, he's gone from the one to the zero (just kidding, sort of).  Like any marriage, we've had our ups and downs but the tall, skinny guy in the blue jeans I smiled at across a crowded room 30 years ago has morphed into the cranky, sleep-deprived man who refused to help me load a nice wooden bureau by the side of the road, clearly there for the taking, for our son's room, into my car, because he was too embarrassed.  We were out on our nightly walk (something new we now do because our 12-year-old wants nothing to do with us).  And when I went back with my son to get it, who's coming down the road but my husband in his car, asking, "Do you need help?"

We wound up not taking the thing (Phillip didn't like it), but the friend I'd stopped to talk to on the way home said, "He came after you," in a wondering voice, and I realized what a nice place we have finally gotten to.

But back to the study.  One in seven adults claim that they are in a serious relationship with a partner who they do not consider “the love of their life,” according to a UK survey, as reported by medicaldaily.com.

The study also showed that men and women tend to fall in love with "the one" two times in their lives.  True for me, though I'm sure glad I didn't marry the first "one." Survey participants reported that they fell in love for the first time at the average age of 19 and dated an average of four to five people before they met “the one," the Web site notes.

But here's the real shocker: 73% of survey respondents said that they have “made their peace” with their partners because their “true love” got away, medicaldaily.com says. And almost half said they would leave their significant other to be with their true love if they got the chance.

Wow. 

"What is alarming is that so many people claim to be in long term relationships or even married to someone who isn't the true love of their life,” medicaldaily.com quotes Claire Jarvis, communications director for Siemens, to The Telegraph. "And if there are people out there who are genuinely in love with two people at the same time, they must face a huge dilemma."

It takes 10 weeks to know whether this is "the one," 60% said in the survey.  (Not for me; I knew that, first night, though I changed it off and on for quite a few years, when he forgot my birthday or couldn't understand why Christmas is such a big deal -- did I mention he's Jewish?)

No question, the passion, the heart-dropping emotion when you see him walking up the sidewalk to your apartment  (I lived on the 8th floor and had a balcony so I could obsessively watch for him), does not last. But really, could you live in that world forever?  Or even a couple of years?

Our love has matured over the years, facing in-law squabbles, breast cancer, infertility and finally, the birth of our son.  I must admit I hated him when our son was first born; he was terrified of the baby and wouldn't help out at all.  But with my son's help (and yes, he's only 12), I've begun to see that some of his most enraging behavior is "just Daddy," and sometimes, sometimes, can even laugh at myself.  A little.

So if you didn't marry "the one," guess what?  It all winds up the same, if you're committed.  We all kind of morph into different people over time, and if we're lucky, he loves you anyway.



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